My Writings. My Thoughts.
Lonely Christmas
Year after year...
Passing so fast...
Since I was moving from my hometown to this big city... There's no more sweet memories about Christmas for me...
I don't know why, but each year it's becoming worst for me...
I didn't need more money on Christmas to buy something new... I don't need Christmas gift, Christmas cake or anything...
Sumtimes, it's just my strategic to kept down my tears and all my sadness...
Little bit jelously to another family, who can met and gather to celebrate Christmas. Crossing Christmas Gift, singing a Christmas songs... Go to church together..
Oh how I missed all those moment...
Actually, 2 years lately... My christmas day is getting worst... I can't feel anything... Maybe I can give others some smile and say "Hi there, Happy Christmas" but in my heart I cry...
How long, I have to keep this tears?
How long, I have to show my fake smile???
How long, I have to feel like this... Lonely... (Oh, it's happen every day)...
All this time, I keep playin' with my self... Playin' what I called "What role should I showed to them?"
Kinda bit like an actrees playin some role in film...
Well, I don't know what exactly that I have looking for...
There's still a missing piece in my life... I don't what is this...
celebrating Christmas with family??? Hmmm.. I don't know if this will work to me...
I lost my miracle of christmas since I was 20 years old... I don't know why.. But it is happened to me...
Well, maybe it's just in my mind.. To celebrate a Christmas day, with my family.. Which is my Dad, My oldest sister Jeisy, and then my older sister Ollanda...
Of course, we separate in thousands miles and in different time... Beside, both of my sisters... They'd already have their own family... So, it's absolutely they'd Celebrating Christmas with their own family...
They'd don't have to thinking about me, cause they're always knew that I will be fine and nothing to worried about.. Because, maybe they'd already sent me some Christmas gift.. Yeah, they'd thinks I just need that Christmas gift and I will be fine...
Seems like, I am success with that role...
I forgot, how it's feel (Celebrating Christmas) when Mommy was alive... I forgot, how it feels to decorating a Christmas tree until December 2004...
When I and Dad, buy some Christmas tree together and choose all the ornament to decorate that tree... I can tell you, it is fun.. Ah.. Maybe this is my sweetest memory about Christmas when I growned up...
I missed that moment...
Uhmm...
Even, my Christmas is more likely so silent... I won't say it's a Black Christams... And I won't hate Christmas, just like some friends...
I still Thankful to GOD, because HE never leave me alone... HE just give us HIS SON's JESUS to save us...
So, even I'm not so religious girl... But, I always know that I lived by GOD's grace, not by my own power...
Maybe I am lonely rite now... But, I am not alone... There's another peoples out there feel the same thing with me...
And maybe they'd even in the worst situation like me...
Oh, GOD... I am just a human... Give me YOUR strength to face out this struggle...
I always surrender to YOU... Teach me to be Grateful for everything that happened in my life...
Teach me to always Love YOU more and more...
Last but not least...
Happy Christmas All...
May the miracle of Christmas will always stay in our heart...
Joy to the world...
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